Zindagi Rocks

Luck By Chance: Not a review by any chance

2009-03-25T04:27:00.000-07:00

Am sure, by now, everyone has seen the film Luck By Chance, and after so many posts landing on PFC, no reviewing from my side, just some thoughts I would like to share. TO begin with, LBC is about two aspiring actors trying to make it a big in the B-town. Both of them are doing their best / worst to get into the film industry, while luck has its way. While Konkana (Sona Mishra) ended up with B-Grade movies and then finally Saas Bahu serials, Vikram (Farhan Akhtar) gets lucky and ends up as a successful star.
Leaving the story discussion aside, the movie touched my heart & has stuck on beyond the two and half hours odd. It’s a true insider-tale of Bollywood, which rotates around what it takes to make it a big in the bad-sad-mad world of showbiz. Jai Mata Di. Forget the story / screenplay / dialogues, there are many things which were till now unspoken about Bollywood, which are well laid in the movie – not just luck by chance.
Debutant director, Zoya has presented deep insights of her upbringing in Bollywood. Being a daughter of writer-maestros Javed Akhtar and Hani Iraani, Zoya’s love for films and her deep knowledge about the industry is evident in every scene. Though she has never struggled, but I am sure the siblings grown up watching people struggling to get a chance in the tinsel town.
The movie is a deeply understood panorama of the film industry, unlike other movies that are shallow. This is evident from the start credits itself. I just loved the credits. By God. Unlike OSO (31 stars), in LBC, every cameo is used intelligently & purposefully and not a spoof of Manoj Kumar, Suraj Barjatya etc etc. Aamir Khan (the perfectionist) is going on the monitor to review his shot, now everybody knows that he does so. He is never satisfied with his shots and reviews it again and again to improvise it.
Zafar (Hritik) has played a superb role, a take off on SRK and does justice to his image. Check out the scene when he is interacting with the street children. No dialogues (not even by chance) were needed. And he had delivered more than what was expected out of him. Rishi Kapoor takes the cake by playing the old showman (Romy Rolly). He deserves standing ovation for his outstanding performance. We see him doing every change in the script, just to fit Zafar in (I guess, every producer does so or forced to do so), and we see him further broken into pieces when the superstar is not taking his calls. How he changes the entire situation, by roping a new comer story angle to it, was awesome.
There were no overstatements in the script and special appearances were meaningful and justified. Zoya has kept the pulse light by involving some meaningful comic situations. Be it a Sanjay Kapoor, a flop actor (with born directoral skills) who is unfortunately a brother of a big time producer or be it Anurag Kashyap who has justified the role of a writer who can write a super-duper blockbuster out of a successful DVD.
Witty situations like Grand Father Clock (that’s the start of farhaan’s Luck By Chance), or be it Mausi ji taking a U-Turn once Vikram was able to make it in the bollywood. At the same time, some meaningful teachings by SRK and KJo were mind boggling. Akshay Khanna, as always with his witty faces and finally saying no, Abhishek B politely saying no and ending the conversation with “A hello from Daddy”, Ranbir Kapoor not saying anything yet a justified cameo. And my favorite was Ronit Roy for his well justified - Saas Bahu scene. A very thoughtful utilization of the TV Star…and so was the yesteryear-glamgirl Dimple Kapadia, Juhi as the show-man’s lovey-dovey wife, and Esha as the starkid.
Lastly Farhaan and Konkana have delivered more than what was required from them. Their chemistry will go down in the history of Indian cinema. Farhaan has proved that he is the next heartthrob of the tinsel town and yes, it’s official now that girls are gaga over Farhan’s charm and Konkana was as always amazing with her glamless looks and enormous ackting skills. Simple, lovable and spontaneous performances from the leads has just made it a worth watching 3 shows back to back.
Farhaan played a struggler and has justified the role, though he has never been a struggler. Bollywood came with opening arms to him. Though he would have never thought of being an actor (he never struggled to be an actor), still he has given a new dimensions to the movie.
And it’s only a Luck By Chance that Vivek O and Saif A has turned down the role (I don’t know if its true, but I have read that Saif wanted to change the climax) and finally Farhaan stepped in who has always loved the script and was confident on Zoya’s debutant. The way it happened in the movie, he getting the role of super star Zafar. I hope Saif and Vivek will get some meaningful teachings from K Jo…oops from the movie.
All in all, it’s an amazing debut by Zoya, sharp observations, nice crisp dialogues, great cinematography (once again the opening credits were amazing…something which even Madhur was not able to capture in any of his real life movies). A heart warming movie which is worth many a repeat watches, a movie which will stay in hearts for a longer time…not just by chance.
P.S.: Saw Victory also this weekend. It’s a Madhur Bhandarkar on dope trip. Totally out of control, though Ajit Pal Mangat did all the research to make it a good film, but lost control as the script went haywire somewhere mid-way. Damn, he also wasn’t able to sum it up appropriately and made a colossal disaster that helped me come out of the CC2C torture.
Originally written for passionforcinema.com (not published)
~Ashish Shrivastava

CC2C : Triple fried Szechwan Rice with Sarso ka Saag

2009-03-25T04:24:00.000-07:00

What you read further is a piece of my observations while watching CC2C, any reference to anyone living, dead or waiting to die after watching Yuvvraaj, is purely coincidental. I am hyper excited about my debut post on the platform that I so much admire. So that’s the raison-de-etre of this post. Damn, I wish I could get some copywriter to write this!!!So here it is, not-just-a-review of the movie which I had seen on Saturday – Confusion Conclusion to Confusion (CC2C). And when I finally got out of the theatre, I had changed my confusion…oops decision that I can not write a post reviewing CC2C…cos it’s a movie beyond reviews… it’s a cult classic that will be spoken about at underground trashy film communities.

There are so many things which makes this movie a “movie ahead of its times”. Just writing some points to describe how CC2C is a movie beyond times -
1. First time in the history, as actor (akki) himself claimed that the movie lacks sense (Remember he invited Big B for the US screening and warned him not to bring his brain for the screening)
2. A kick equally powerful to the NASA spaceship launcher which is never used before (Courtesy – The Man, The Legend, Mithun Da)
3. Before you scratch your a**…sorry brain, the movie takes a huuuugeeee turn (even ekkkkta kkkapoor is reconsidering her soaps after watching CC2C)
4. Use of Hi-Tech gadgets which can teach you dancing (never been used even in Hollywood, it teaches you disco-and-bhangra-and-kathakali-and-kuchipudi-and-manipuri-and-bhelpuri.
5. Use of a Universal Translator (Not even used by 007) which help you translates any language in your mother language. Not only this, it made the chinese, sing a tooooooo old Indian ad jingle…just like that.
6. Use of umbrella-cum-bulletproof umbrella-cum-parachute-cum-hi tech gadget makes it more legendry.
7. A manufacturing plant of TSM (Don’t ask me WTF the TSM stand for) which doesn’t look like a manufacturing unit from any angle. Nikhil Advani has taken utmost care, so that even if somebody is trying to steal a formulae, he will be confused if he is in a manufacturing unit or a chemistry lab.
8. A potato God (Hell, its true) which is never used before. Not even in Jai Santoshi Maa, My Friend Ganesha and Hanumaan.
9. The toothless story takes a huuugee turn (See I told you na) and starts competition with all 007 movies and all Bruce lee, Jet li, choos li, moolee, mamolee Chinese movies including kung-fu hustle and shaolin soccer (mithun da kicks to akki were more powerful shots than shaolin soccer).
10. Cosmic kung-fu which has an impact only on the enemies…no family members and friends are even touched.
11. The magic hat of crime master gogo…oops hojo, which is unaffected by the strong cross wind blew by Akki with some telepathetic help from a long lost father-inspector-turn begger-turn inspector-turn father-turn kung-fu teacher. Phewwwww.
12. Of all the kung-fu, aak-thu and just-ju training from the Chinese hakka noodle dad, finally what help the hero kill the evil were parathas, aloo ki bori and belan.
13. Use of a special potato prepared in a Chinese laboratory, which remains as it is even after 6 months.
14. The best part of the movie was “Intermission”. Ideally the best part should be “The End”..but hai re footi kismet, the movie doesn’t have an end….probably first time ever, a director has decided a sequel with a title in the end of the movie itself. “Chandni Chowk to Africa”…so gear up guys…another legendary movie is awaiting you.
15. And the saddest part of the entire review…..Akshay Kumar himself warned “keep your brains while going to the theatre”…kaash maine uski baat maan li hoti.
Effect of the movie on Film industry
1. Tashan declared a Super-hit and Jhoom Barabar Jhoom and Kabhi Alvida na kehna legends.
2. Salman has filed a case against the same, as he wanted “Yuvraj” should be awarded atleast a Hit.
3. Sanjay Leela Bhansali and RGV are planning a remake of Sawariya and Aag respectively
4. Now all you folks reading this post, observe a 2 minute silence in fond memory of CC2C, cos by the time you complete reading this, you wont (hopfully) be able to find it “At a theatre near you”.
Sab bakwaas hai… PACK UP!
~Ashish Shrivastava
Originally written for PassionforCinemahttp://passionforcinema.com/cc2c-triple-fried-szechwan-rice-with-sarso-ka-saag/

Come On India....dikha do !!

2008-12-14T01:42:00.000-08:00

I don't know if i shud be writing this blog or not...because i believe this is the only blog, i am not happy writing.As it is related to Mumbai Terror Attacks, and no body can be happy writing a blog on this.I am a mumbaikar now...by heart..by soul...ab to jeena yahan, marna yahan.Now i regret of my earlier post related to my mumbai experience and my eager to flew out of the city at the earliest. But that was my initial experience with the city..and now i don live in the city..now the city lives in me. I am a hardcore mumbaikar now.But what happened on 26 / 11 recently, was a nightmare...It was not yet-another-wednesday night...it was a dark night thn usual. In a city like mumbai, where nights are brighter thn days..it was a scary dark night. Thursday...there was a major presentation, and I have taken a little extra time to leave office. This is what i use to do sometimes..taking a train to CST from Wadala if the trains are crowded (I stay in Navi Mumbai). So wednesday was THE DAY when i did the same thing.Reached Wadala arnd 8.30 - 45 ( i don remember the exact time)...even wadala station was same...same old police booth, same ticket window, same platform number 2. Something which has changed while crossing the foot over bridge was my decision. The crowd was huge, and i was sure i wont get any place to stand. So i changed my decision, and took a train to CST (Navi Mumbai trains starts from CST, and i use to go back to CST and thn take the same train back to Navi Mumbai).After some heads and tails in mind, i decided to take a train to CST and thn come back. My wife is not in town, so i wasn't really in a hurry to go back home...Took a train to CST, the compartment was almost empty, only few unknown faces peeping into some books or news papers. Unfortunately none of the newspaper carried a news that the LeT and AQ guys are in Mumbai, beware !.Reached CST. Even it was same...same police booth, same screening machine (I dunno if it works), same coffee express stall...same everything.But something was unusual...unimaginable...and that reached few minutes after me reaching CST. I was sitting in the train..waiting for it to start.The train wasnt started...but started some strange sounds..sounds like somebody has lit crackers....I got out of the train...and hell, It was not crackers..it was not a celebration...it was a indiscriminate firing by terrorists.I was in the 3rd or 4th compartment...and hell, I can see people running helter shelter. It was bullets, bombs and blood everywhere. I somehow managed to get into the train...i crossed next few station and my phone started ringing. Probably everybody in my office knows that I am at CST.I somehow reached home...made calls to everybody at home, friends, relatives, office mates etc.Whatever has happened was not gud, and it cannot be good at any given point of time. The attack broke me into pieces.

There are so many memories attached to that particular area. I remember, when i came to mumbai for the first time, i made it a point that I will go to Taj once, as i wanted to visit one of the most beautiful and expensive hotel of the country. Sitting at marine drive and doing nothing..watching the sea...sipping beer till 12 in the night...i still remember I literally forced my brother to take me to Gateway Of India. My college days, when i came to mumbai for my summer training..i had spent most of my evening at marine drive or girgaum chowpaty. That particular area of the city is a part of my life..i have seen Taj standing proudly and thn I have seen it burning infront of me. And I was, infact everybody watching was so helpless that we cannot do anything. We wanted to do but we cant.Everybody was glued to the television..for 60 hours. Every damn channel was showing the dance of the terror. I salute the Mumbai Police, Marcos, NSG who laid their lives for us, they din slept for days...and fought for us. It is all over now. 9 terrorists are killed and one is caught alive.Then there were peace marches, protests, anger, helplessness everywhere...everybody has saluted the braves in their own way..But there are some events which made me think....i don't know how to react on them.

The Indina Media:

It goes hell bent on the terror attack, capturing and showing each and every "exclusive breaking news" live on the channel. "Yeh dekhiye, humare NSG ke jaanbaaz commando, helicoptor se Nariman House ke roof pe utar rahe hain, hum apni jaan pe khelkar aapko yeh drashya dikha rahe hain". I mean what the fuck? Who is asking you to show that? Despite the NSG squad is constantly asking the media NOT to reveal any information about their movements and plans. The terrorists were undoubtedly more techie thn us. They were in touch with their counterparts using satellite phones, and above all, u fools, they were in a 5 star hotel with a TV set in every corner of the hotel. And because of your foolishness, the operation stretched for 59 hours. Thank you Media, for making this event long for such a long time. Had i been in the place of the NSGs and Army or the Cops, i wud have killed them first before fighting the terrorists.The media was more jaanbaaz thn the Army and Cops. IBN Live, at the time of the blackout at Taj, the jaanbaaz team went to the place and captured it live. It goes this way "Yeh dekhiye, saara area black out kar diya gaya hai, yahan pe zara bhi roshni karne ki ijajat nahin hai, lekin hum apni jaan pe khelkar yeh aapko dikha rahe hain". Who is aksing you to put your ass thr u bastard? And this was not enough, he captured the NSG commandos, the floor from where the terrorists were firing, and explaining it with the help of a Arrow. Fuckers, cant you see that this is some serious issue and you should stay 1 km away from it.I don't know how many of you are aware of this news or not, but a Cop laid down his life saving a news paper reporter, who was capturing LIVE and EXCLUSIVE images at CST indiscriminate firing. Bastard, if u wud not have been there, he probably wud have killed the terrorist and wud have saved the top cops (Karkare, salvaskar etc...) which they killed after running from CST.And this was about the media coverage during the war / attack.

Once the operation was over, the print media has started their dance. "Tusshar to cancel his first big bash cos of mumbai aftermath". Raveena Tondon was suppose to go to Trident but cancelled at the last moment". Big B's blog, Amir Khan's Blog, K Jo's Blog, Saif and Kareena writing from Philadelphia, raveena, naseer, irfan, salman etc etc..everybody has written something or other abt the incident. I really appriciate that they felt for the city, canceled their parties, outings, celebrated the birthdays and anniversaries without a big bash. Its OK. I mean a normal man doesnt give a fuck if tusshar is celebrating in JW Marriot of JamNagar. Did anybody published the list of dead and injured? No...it was only and only available on NDTV.com. Now it may be available everywhere, but not at the time of the attack. I mean what do you guys wanna show, that filling the news paper with celebrities blogs and articles will help you sell. Every single news paper (Except DNA Money) was filled with "Amitabh ne kya likha and sushmita ko kya laga and amir ne kya feel kiya". Who dropped the party, who celebrated without a bang, who was where, shahid kapoor bal bal bache, fuck fuck fuck. Is mumbai all about bollywood?

The Army / NSG Commandoes

They fough for us, for hours, sleepless, don know if they have eaten something. They have done a tremendous job, as usual. And we the indians, owe our lives to them. There is no shikayat from them, but what made me feel sorry for them was (See the pic), they bloody travelled in a BEST bus from airport to VT. Hell, even mumbaikars think twice before travelling in a BEST bus from Santacruz to VT. It takes more thn 1 1/2 hours to travel that distance. Mr. Deshmukh, Mr. Manmohan and the Supreme Army Chief Mrs Patil, cant you see that they are going on a very serious mission. What arrangements you have done for them. A normal mumbaikars is afraid of travelling this large distance in a BEST Bus, which are not at all comfortable, with mumbai traffic is an add on to the delay.Rather thn this, there should be some special arrangement for them to reach VT as fast as possible. I mean not at all in a BEST bus. Post the operation, I have seen one NSG commando was eating VadaPav in a piece of news paper, which probably wud be carrying the news about the mumbai aftermath. It has broken me into many pieces.

The President and the Prime Minister and Other Politicians:

Mr Prime Minister, what do you think of yourself that if you are visiting the city when the war is still on, you will become a super hero and Sonia gandhi a super women. You are one of the best financial and economic mind we ever have in our country, but cant you feel that when you are going in a city which is on war front, the police dept and army will have to make extra arrangements for your z ++ security. Was it necessary to poke your nose while the war is still on.Ms President, where are you. Have you seen making her any statement on the terror attack. I googled and yahooed and reddiffed the search and finally i came to know that she has given a statement on DD News. Madam, who watches DD news these days. People were waiting for some harsh comments on pakistan from you.

Mid-Day carried a very interesting article (http://www.mid-day.com/news/2008/dec/111208-News-Mumbai-highly-trained-Special-Protection-Unit-local-cops-politicians.htm) on the expenses done for the security of our top guys and the surprising list includes:-

X category - Two armed police constables (rotation of 12 hrs)
*Aditya and Tejas (Uddhav's son)
* Sameer Bhujbal (Chhagan Bhujbal's nephew)
* Pankaj Bhujbal (Chhagan Bhujbal's son)
* Dagdu Sakpal (Sena leader)
* Sachin Ahir (NCP MLA)
* Rashmi Thackeray (Uddhav's wife)
* Smita Thackeray (Jaidev's former wife)
* Nilima Rane (Narayan Rane's wife)
* Dheeraj, Amit and Riteish Deshmukh (Vilasrao Deshmukh's sons)
* Urvashi Thackeray (Raj Thackeray's daughter)
I mean what the fuck? What Riteish, dheeraj and Amit Deshmukh or for that matter the sons and nephews and FORMAR wives has to do with the special protection. Mr Raj Thackrey, where were you when your apla manoos was attacked. You are hell bent in throwing out the outsiders from Mumbai, go and attack Pakistan now. Send you NavNirmaan Sena on the border. Mr Advani and Mr Modi, your contribution in the entire scene was remarkable. I am actually out of words for them.

Pakistani Media

Search Mumbai Drama, the untold story / Brass Track on youtube, some of the results are...
1. http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=EQeKPE7ic1E
2. http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=voe-l-_3KwA&feature=related
3. http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=5F4_qwtM5yY
4. http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=yFgXTu5y_IY&feature=related

There are more thn 450 results for the same. The pakistani media has taken us LEFT, RIGHT and CENTRE. The defence analyst has clearly said that "Agar hindustaan hum pe hamla karta hai, to hum chup nahin baithenge aur unke haat pais tod ke wapas bhej denge". Hindustaniyo ki aukaat nahin hai ki wih hum pe humla kar sake, indian military is insufficient, thats y they are doing such drama so that they can build pressure on us Via US and UN.

As per them, the guy who died on girgaun chowpaty was Harilal, he is a dalit guy and the one who is caught alive is "Amar Singh" and he is a sikh from India. Its a political gimmick by indian politicians. (Pl see the video for full coverage)

Enough is Enough. But what actually enough is - Slogans, peace march, human chains, candle lighting, mumbai meri jaans, i love mumbai etc etc. We are helpless and annoyed. Cant we do more thn this?
Still I feel that there are few things which we should start doing it right now:-

1. No Pakistani artist:

No Atif Aslam, Adnan Sami, Meera, Nigar Khan, Shakeel, Rouf Lala, Amanat Ali etc etc.- Many of you will be surprised to know that many of our artists are not allowed to perform in Pakistan. I remember, they have banned "Lata Mangeshkar" in Pakistan. Taare Zameen par, Dostana are the recent examples of ban on Indian movies in Pakistan. And these are just few names. And we the people, Indians, believe in "Guest is God". The popularity these artists get in India, can not even get a part of it in next 1340 years. We make thm overnight stars. Some of the bastards are now a resident of India (Adnan Sami holds a pan card).

www.songs.pk - a pakistani website for indian songs, is a home of piracy. You can download entire music album of any Indian movie be it new or old. Do we still want them to come to India.And above all, when they can give a extensive training to the terrorists, why cant they give the training of singing or stand up comedy to some of their terrorists so that they can come to participate in SAREGAMAPA or Laughter Challenge or Comedy Circus or wudever. Just imagine, how easy for these guys to get into any five star hotel or airport or any such place. They can click photo and even give autograph to the people around, collect all info and go back to Pakistan. Imagine the kind of threat they are to India.

STOP LISTENING TO THE PAKISTANI SINGERS. DON'T PURCHASE THE CDS NO MATTER HOW GOOD THE MUSIC IS. AND DON'T EVEN SEE A MOVIE FEATURING ANY PAKISTANI ACTOR / ACTRESS (Doesnt matter if she is apperaing topless or bottomless).

Once you stop watching the reality shows (everybody knows that they are staged drama shows and not reality shows), movies featuring pakis, or listening to the pakistani bullshit, the Indian producer / broadcasters will be forced to send thm back)

No Indo Pak cricket

Enough of the indo pak cricket arch rivalry. We have some good competitors like Australia and England. During any indo-pak match, 1000s of people travel from pakistan to india. How many of them go back, we dont know. OR for that matter, how many of thm actually ask for visa to see the match, there is no check on this.

DONT PURCHASE TICKETS OF ANY INDO-PAK MATCH. DON GO AND WATCH A INDO - PAK MATCH RATHER ASK JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM OR KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA. ITS BETTER THN INVITING TERRORISTS TO OUR COUNTRY.

NO IPL and ICL

No to indo pak matches should include IPL and PCL matches as well. When BCCI is planning to take a tough step towards Indo-Pak matches, it should also take a similar action against ICL and IPL. Lets not watch IPL or ICL if a paki is playing in it.

No Peace at the border:-

Enough of peace treaty and shanti vartas, enough of Samjhota Express, eneough of "Ghutne me dard" wale politicians going in a Bus to pakistan. No more travelling to Pakistan. No more travelling from Pakistan. No more POK. Let there be a peace after war. I know its very ridicules to say that lets war, still we need this now. Thats the only option left with us. And if not war, atleast we should be giving a proper reply to all the pakistani activities, ofcourse with due respect.There is lot more to say, but i wont be able to put everything in words..its very well said that everything cant be expressed in words. So as my feelings, a common mans feeling, a annoyed and angry citizens feelings, a helpless indian feeling.I dont know if you agree to me on all this, but i want each one of you to be a part of this mission. Lets not watch any music show, reality show, match wudever with pakistani players and artists involved in it. Once we boycott it, the producers and organisers will be forced not to bring thm to the country. Lets not purchase any album of any pakistani artist. Lets not fear in saying tht we hate pakistan (as our respected prime minister is afraid of pointing it upfront that this all is done by Pakistan).Let them show that We are their REAL BAAP and how aggressive or smart the son may be, he has to respect the father.
Lets be together for this mission...

JAI HIND.

- Ashish Shrivastava

Dude...where do I smoke ???

2008-11-25T00:06:00.000-08:00

Boss called me the other day...

Boss: So hows life going on?
Me: So far, so gud.

Boss: And hows work
Me: Kool. New TVC is out, finances are smooth. (Fuck, y the hell he is asking all this)

Boss: Must be over loaded with work, no?
Me: (So here is the catch, if I say yes, he will slap me with the accounts which are in a neck to neck competition with Stock Market. And if i say no, he will slap me with assignment a, b and f..and presentation 23, 31 and 46). Not exactly sir, my team is able to handle the current situation.

Boss: Humm...i thot u r loaded wid work.
Me: Anything special Boss.

Boss: Yeah
Me: ???

Boss: Because you have started smoking in office, so i thot you are over loaded with work.
Me: No Boss...i mean yes..i mean after office hours (wut the fuck i mean)

Boss: Wut do you mean exactly.
Me: Nothin..i mean...mmm...No for the work load....and Yes for the smoking in office thing.

Boss: Why dont you smoke outside office.
Me: Boss, our office is bang opposite to the Parel Bhoiwada station.

Boss: So?
Me: Smoking is banned in public places.

Boss: So, do you think that this office is your luxury bedroom?
Me: No..

Boss: So, there you are.
Me: Then where do i smoke?

Boss: Why dont you smoke at your own house?
Me: (Wut the fuck - Imagine me catching the parel to dadar to kurla to navi mumbai local to smoke, which approximately takes as hour to reach n coming back to resume wotk). I cant do that sir...i stay so far

Boss: Idiot, why dont you finish your smoke before starting from home.
Me: I cant even do that sir...

Boss: Why?(I showed him my cheek)
Boss: Stay away you gay, I am not of your kind..i wont kiss you, no matter u r one of my favourite employee.
Me: I am not asking you to kiss me...just showing you my cheek which is red cos of the slaps donated by my Biwiji, for smoking inside the house.

Boss: Humm...so wut about the garden of your multistory appartment.
Me: Its again a public place..and bang opposite to the Police Headquarters.

Boss: Humm...why don’t you find a place somewhere in the middle of your house and office. Some smokin khopcha.
Me: (I just went to my cubicle and picked up few copies of Mid-Day). See this...(There was my image in it, with a smoke in my hand and proudly smoking my lungs out in the air).

Boss: Wut the fuck is this.
Me: This news paper..they have started a anti smoking campaign..they click the images of the people who are smoking at some public place...and click their pics and publish it in their paper.

Boss: So why the fuck you are carrying 5-6 copise of the same news paper. You tried to purchase all the copies of the news paper over night so that nobody can see you smokin in public.
Me: Nope, cos they are of different dates.

Boss: Wut the fuck...are you planning to make a record out of it?
Me: Nope..must be they found a good "bakra" in me..or may be they have treated me as their regular customer...

Boss: So wuts the big deal...keep on smoking there..smoking ka smoking and photo ka photo. Ek ke saath ek Muft...Buy One Get One you see...
Me: No Boss...once they publish my phote (proudly smoking)..i receive calls from Dad, Mom, Bhaiya, Bhabhi, Maternal Uncle 1, Uncle 2, Uncle 3, Paternal Uncle 1, Uncle 2, Uncle 3, Cousin 1, Cousin 2, Cousin 3, Cousin 4, Cousin 5 etc from Banglore, Indore, Uganda and Tokyo. All of them says one thing - Khandaan ka naam raushan kar rahe ho mumbai me"

Boss: why dont you smoke behind the tea stall which is next to our office.
Me: (I pulled some slips out of my pocket)

Boss: Now wut's this
Me: These are some certificate given by Ministry of Health, Govt. of India.

Boss: Wut the fuck?Me: I mean, i tried this as well...so these are the "chalaan" slapped by the police.
Me: (I Continued) The slip 1 is Parel, Slip 2 is Dadar, Slip 3 is kurla, Slip 4 is…..

Boss: Ohh cut the crap.
Me: okies…

Boss: Humm...But you can’t smoke in office
Me: I can boss...(I pulled a packet of India Kings from my pocket)

Boss: Idiot...i am not asking if you can smoke inside office or not. I am telling you that you can’t smoke inside the office.
Me: (Lambeeeeeeeee Khamoshi)

Boss: Why dont you use the Restrooms of our office for that.
Me: Boss you forgot, you only insisted to install smoke detectors in the restrooms. If i smoke there, the fire brigade will reach here in less thn 10 mins.

Boss: Ohh..i forgot. Still you cant smoke in office.
Me: Where do I smoke thn?

Boss: I dont care..I dont give a rabbit arse for tht.
Me: (Fuck, Fuck, Fuck...wut to do now). Me: Do we have some provision to make a smokin lounge in our office

Boss: Its a office...not a lounge bar you idiot.
Me: Thn you tell me, where do i smoke?

Boss: I dont know...its your problem (and he pulled a Marlboro packet from his pocket). Do you have a lighter?
Me: Not now...i had thrown it in Sarovar Vihar while coming to office.

Boss: Wut the fuck?
Me: I mean...if I cant smoke anywhere...why wud i be needing a lighter. (Fawk, I won the game)

Boss: Humm..(he picked up the phone and called up the office boy) One Match Box to my cabin, quick.
Me: (Speechless, Clueless, Smokeless...)

Boss: Ha ha ha...now get back to work...I need the assignment a, b and f..and presentation 23, 31 and 46 by the end of this week.
Me: Boss, its too less a time. I wont be able to move out of cubicle if i have to complete this in a week.

Boss: (By this time, he has already lit his cigarette..he thrown a cloud of smoke on my face). Thats why i want you to complete this is one week. Now you wont be able to ask me "Where do I smoke"...
Me: (Yeah..he is right, now i have to ask him "Dude - Why do I need to smoke"

Boss: So I won this…rite?
Me: (Speechless, Clueless, Smokeless...)

Moral of the story - "Now come on guys...do you still think we should look for some morals out of it. Give me a SMOKIN break man..

In fond memory of TASHAN...

2008-08-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

1) Whenever Saif and Kareena want to be alone , they go to watch TASHAN.

2) TASHAN leaves black ticket sellers jobless.

3) TASHAN makes JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM look like a classic

4) Do you know that TASHAN was initially named Three men and a Bebo !!!!!!

5) Kareena's bikini is upset because TASHAN flopped.

6) Kareena's bikini to win filmfare for best supporting role. J

7) 99 % of the people reading this have not watched TASHAN (But I have watched it L , but I am proud of it J..That's my Tashan )

8) TASHAN's box office collection and kareena's figure both are size 0 .

9) TASHAN flops Kajol and Ajay celebrate.

10) Even Ram Gopal Verma doesn't want to remake TASHAN

11) Yash Chopra went into hiding after the release of TASHAN

12) The best part of TASHAN was the intermission

13) TASHAN has no TASHAN

14) If you want to spent some quality time alone, go watch TASHAN.

15) You know what is the only thing good in TASHAN that gives it an edge over DHOOM 1 & DHOOM 2 , it doesn't have UDAY CHOPRA in it .

16) Saif , Kareena , Anil and Akshay are still trying to figure out , what is TASHAN actually about !!!!!

17) Kareena's bikini to play a lead role in Aditya Chopra' next venture.

18) Stand up comedians refuse to crack jokes on TASHAN , helloooooooooo , you cannot make jokes on a joke.

19) Sanjay Leela Bhansali to remake Sawariya after watching TASHAN

20) Now all you people reading this , observe a 2 min silence in fond memory of TASHAN !!!!!!!!!

Tashan - Still running successfully....(Pl see the Pic)

Have a Nice Day !!!

2008-07-27T22:59:00.000-07:00

Have a Blessed Day

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help." There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?"

The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way."
What he had written was: "Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it."

Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing?

Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively.

Invite others towards good with wisdom.
Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets.
When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile.
Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith and drop the fear.

Great men say, "Life has to be an incessant process of repair and reconstruction, of discarding evil and developing goodness…. In the journey of life, if you want to travel without fear, you must have the ticket of a good conscience."

The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling…And even more beautiful is, knowing that you are the reason behind it!!!